skit #35: obvious if discovered

An impenetrable thicket of obstacles consume the gymnasium like kudzu. A multifarious plethora of hoops, bars, pools, pits, ropes, arenas, broad walls, narrow tunnels, trampolines to nowhere, gyroscopes, askew geometries.

The prudent babysteps of a hippopotamus do not save her from falling from the tenuous balance beam. She is bested by a shrew who roves effortlessly across the beam, to him a boulevard, only to face an uncrossable chasm at the long jump. No sloths complete the 500m sprint to advance to the vertical wall climb. Inappropriate conduct disqualifies seven bonobos halfway through the monkeybars. The lions perform passably, too much modesty, lacking the unabashed ambition the hyenas exercised; Both species' progress is eventually thwarted at the rope swing.

Minor pH adjustments flunk an impressively resilient newt for poor environmental adaptability. A goat demonstrates her impervious gastrointestinal system only to choke needlessly on a button. All but two canines navigate the olfactory labyrinth. Despite their similarities, primitive tool use disqualifies as many contestants as procreation disqualifies few.

Every contestant inevitably will be disqualified: a splash, a fumble, a wheeze, a jerk. There's no hope of completing the course, but each animal's heart pumps earnestly (should their species have one).

Rule enforcement is clinical and austere, handled by referees, who don't seem to belong to any species at all, speaking over walkie-talkies to recipients rumored to be perhaps a panel of legislators or perhaps a mainframe.
The current contestants have extrapolated some of the rules by watching the others fail:

An obstacle may be overcome by any means available.
Collaboration is permitted.
Failure to participate results in disqualification.
Failure to overcome an obstacle results in disqualification.
The end will be obvious if discovered.

Forty-three thousand-odd caribou proceed. The caribou cascade in an identical sequence, each imitating who they follow as best as a caribou can. They trot around the race track. Their muscles flex, flex, flex; Their ornamental antlers bob, bob, bob; Soon, it is hard to tell which muscles match with which antlers. The repetitions occasionally break: Those who stagger are culled from the herd. Very few followers foolishly imitate a misstep, and the culled are soon forgotten. The caribou clearly maintain their direction. Disqualified, disqualified, disqualified. They trot around the arena, still thousands, thousands, thousands strong.