Saturday, March 7, 2009

skit #63: the gray detective

An excerpt from One Derringer Two Dead reads:

TURNER: Baby, I bought you something that reminded me of you.
TURNER gives MARIBEL his late wife's emerald brooch.

TURNER and MARIBEL embrace, uncertain of their future.



An excerpt from the article reads:

Mr Dean Clanson grew immensely famous during the 1940's, starring in such notable films as One Derringer Two Dead, Red Lipped Red Hipped Red Handed, and The Prince and the Copper. Over his 23-year career, Mr Clanson has won 12 international awards, starred in over 80 full-length features, and established himself as a film noir icon.

Though Mr Clanson easily qualifies for stardom with his gruff aplomb and handsome face, film critics
laud his influential character interpretations. Early film noir entertained through intrigue in visually and morally monochromatic stories of cops and robbers. As subtle and sharp as a splinter, Clanson introduced gradients to the genre. His repertoire of skeptical glances, derisive smirks, and reserved tears sullied the image of the Good Guy and polished the image of the Bad Guy. The private eye was no longer a man with a gun, but a man who asked and answered questions.

"[Each film] has the potential to be more than just another shoot-'em-up flick. All the story has to ask is, 'Why did they shoot-him-up?' Don't worry that the diamonds are stolen or that the broad is dead. Worry about the unasked whys. Why not steal them? Why not kill her?" Clanson remarked in a 1954 interview.

Devoted to his craft and profession, Mr Clanson often brought his work home with him. He studied method acting since the beginning of his career at age 26. He acknowledged his zealous studies marred his marriage to model Chelsea Regalio in a 1943 interview: "Can't blame her. Who wants me for a husband when I ain't even up to being my wife's husband? Hell, I'm beginning to think even I don't want me as a husband." Mischief and sorrow often riddled his personal life. His innumerable trysts, benders, and divorces all fall under public scrutiny. Mr Clanson once flippantly justified his antics as "character research".

Mr Duke Valotti, director and lifelong friend, admired Mr Clanson's "Sure, Dean is professional and abides by the letters of the script, but he's mischievous. Transgressive, even. He'll find a way to run amok in the script, a fox in a chicken coup. Like in Red Lipped, Dean was the one who improvised Turner [Mr Clanson's role] giving his wife's brooch to his mistress. And what happens? He creates perhaps the most memorable scene of 40's noir."

Mr Clanson will be signing autographs this Saturday in the Tupelo Convention Center, RM 331. $10/per.


An excerpt from the police report reads:

Mary Nobody, a housekeeper employed by Rude Lucy's Bed & Breakfast, entered the premises to perform routine cleaning as no "Privacy, please." placard hung from the doorknob. Once inside, she recognized renowned actor Mr Dean Clanson. After requesting a complimentary autograph, she suspected him to be incapacitated and contacted emergency services.

The concierge, Joey Nobody, reported Mr Clanson to be quiet, polite, honest regarding his consumption from the mini-fridge, having rang up a $49 tab on ginger ales, coffees, and pastries.

The bellhop, Pablo Nobody, reported Mr Clanson to be a lightly packed and an excellent tipper. Mr Clanson and the bellhop shared a comfortable silence in the elevator ride.


Detectives believe Mr Clanson to have been researching the role for his next film, The Gray Detective. A screenplay authored by Mr Duke Valotti was discovered among Mr Clanson's otherwise spartan possessions.

The time of death is estimated to be 03:15AM, Sunday, March 19th. The cause of death is currently undetermined and homicide remains a possibility. The deceased has not been implicated with intent to commit any illegal. The chief of police plans to release a statement at 08:00AM, Monday, March 20th.


An excerpt from The Gray Detective reads:

VALOTTI: I wrote something that reminded me of you.
VALOTTI gives CLANSON a screenplay.
CLANSON: My first line says, '
Film noir starts with the climax and ends with the story.' So?
VALOTTI: Go on.
CLANSON: Next one says, 'Method acting starts with the actor and ends with the character.' And?
VALOTTI: One more.
CLANSON: 'What happens when you wind up having to play yourself?'
CLANSON appears pensive, uncertain of his future.

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