skit #65: NOT YET TURNED

The unquenchable curiosity of prodigy Antonin Antécédent often lured him to the last chapters of the assigned curriculum far before his classmates. What latent success his teachers spied in him would NEVER MANIFEST AS THEY PREDICTED. His mentors estimated his future to harbor typical prosperity, perhaps as an ambassador or an economist, unaware of his SEEMINGLY FORTUITOUS DESTINY.

ONE ILL-WEATHERED NIGHT, academic exhaustion and hypnotic rainfall lulled young Antonin to slumber. He slept, cocooned in a nest of his half-read texts. Storm clouds sulked above his apartment ominously. Witnesses described midnight's mood to emote PALPABLY DANGEROUS EMANATIONS.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZRRRRQQQQQQQQ--------KPOWWWW!!

Disgruntled after nine lightyears of schlepping, a SIRIAN SOLAR WIND stumbled upon one of any undeserving terrestrial blue planets. With great fury it effused a FOUL INTERGALACTIC MIASMA into Earth's hospitable heavens. IRRADIATED LIGHTNING AND NUCLEAR RAIN bombarded Antonin's apartment complex. The shingle-mailed roof, veteran to hailstorms and hurricanes, disintegrated. Not their landlord, not their local news station meteorologist, not even their PREFERRED DEITY could save them.

Emergency services arrived promptly, but found little life to salvage. An UNMARKED AMBULANCE whisked away the only survivor, an incapacitated prepubescent male. Antonin remained hospitalized throughout his youth, years which elapsed in cavalcade of month-long comas. His dreams were haunted with inklings of PSYCHOMANIPULATIVE EXPERIMENTATION. During his brief episodes of consciousness, he amused himself by rifling through a complementary assortment of books stacked on his bedside table, comprised solely of CHOOSE-YOUR-OWN-ADVENTURE NOVELS which he would later discover was of NO COINCIDENCE.

Antonin Antécédent stumbled into the world, no longer as a boy of yesterday, but a chimera fashioned from GENE-BENDING RADIATION, HIGHLY-CLASSIFIED EXPERIMENTATION, and LIMITLESS CURIOSITY. He re-emerged as...

THE TOMORROWER

The Tomorrower uses his EXTRAORDINARY POWER of INFALLIBLE PRESCIENCE to thwart the plots of wrong-doers. Pages of his comic book NOT YET TURNED appear to him as CLEARLY AS THE PRESENT. A hero devoted to justice, he uses his gift to prevent the calamities incited by the nefarious Vanguard of Villainy -- unsavory agents of COMMUNISM, TERRORISM, and CAPITALISM.

One secret still evades even the Tomorrower's clairvoyance. Page one of The Tomorrower #1 recounts The Tomorrower's FORGOTTEN BOYHOOD as young Antonin Antécédent. Should he ever read this page, he would FIND EVERLASTING PEACE AND TRANQUILITY; And so he must never read this page, for his retirement would mean CERTAIN DOOM for all those he protects.

The Tomorrower #11: THE BIG RED X
Will the Tomorrower outwit Aunt Ziety's insidious trap of LASER BLADES OF TRIFLUXIC ACID? Will the Tomorrower muster the UNQUESTIONING COURAGE needed to confront the inevitable? The Tomorrower must answer whether the only thing to fear is the fear of fearing fear itself.

The Tomorrower #32: THE TODAYER
When mad quantum physicist Dr Guillaume d'Libre projects the infinite number of Earth's realities, the Tomorrower finds there to be too many comics to read. Without the QUAINT PREDICTABILITY OF DETERMINISM, the Tomorrower must defeat d'Libre with INSTINCT AND WILES.

The Tomorrower #59: DRAWING BLANKS
The Cartoonist compromises his series's ARTISTIC INTEGRITY for the sake of INCREASING MARKETABILITY. As the Tomorrower revolts against his greedy creator, the Cartoonist improvises UNFAVORABLE PLOT DEVICES with his fountain pen, AN ARTIFACT FROM THE FOURTH DIMENSION.